


learning to trust

by quiteliterally



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, harry knocks louis off his feet (literally), harry likes searching music shops for that one cd, idk what this really is, louis has trust issues, niall is there too, zayn and liam are that gross couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiteliterally/pseuds/quiteliterally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis has a lot of trust issues and harry wants louis to trust him</p>
            </blockquote>





	learning to trust

**Author's Note:**

> this is also on my tumblr (same username) and i'll probably edit it again eventually but then again i'm lazy so

“Harry, you realise that this is the fifteenth music shop we've been in in the last three hours, right?”

With a slight eye roll at the hyperbole, Harry ignored Zayn, and continued walking down the aisles, stopping every few seconds to take a glance at a CD that caught his eye. More often than not, however, they turned out to be some crappy pop band that nobody had ever heard of -- and probably good reason, too. After a few minutes of looking some more, he finally found what he had been searching for. With a quick scan of the track list (and an even longer linger at the stunning blue eyes that the singer possessed), to find that it was mainly covers of his favourite songs, he walked over to the counter and fished out his wallet. The clerk, a short, bored-looking brunette, seemed to perk up on seeing Harry and Zayn approaching, and didn't hesitate to show off her more than likely fake cleavage. Not that either of them paid the slightest bit of attention, of course. Harry even turned a delicate shade of pink at her shameless flashing. He paid quickly, keeping his eyes focused on the CD the woman was handling with non-caring hands.

“So, what was so special about that CD in particular, above the other seventeen thousand you looked at today?” Zayn asked, once the two had made their way out of the shop and towards the centre of the city. 

“Uh, I liked the songs on it?” Harry tried, not managing to make it sound believable, even to his own ears.

“Aw, does Harry have a crush on a celebrity?” He teased, poking the taller teenager gently in the stomach. 

“N-no! Well...”

“You do! And weren't you the one that had just said yesterday that crushes on celebs were silly and never going to happen?”

They took a left, which brought them out along a murky-looking river. Harry ducked his head, burying his hands into his coat pocket. “It's not as if he's a real celebrity, Zayn! I heard him last week at that pub we went to, and he said something about having a CD out...”

“Was he there? Huh, you'd think I'd remember little Harold becoming enamoured by a pub singer!”

“Well, if you hadn't been so busy sticking your tongue down Liam's throat-”

Zayn held up his hands with a laugh. “Alright, alright. But seriously, is that why you dragged me to so many shops today?”

Begrudgingly, Harry nodded, his cheeks becoming steadily more red as the conversation continued. But Zayn insisted on asking more about this singer, and Harry insisted that it was nothing more than a silly little crush, that he would soon get over this guy he didn't even know, and would then get on with his life. 

The questions continued all the way back to their flat, however, where Liam was found sound asleep in front of his laptop. The only one of the three that actually bothered with university (Harry saying that all he wanted to do was get a small job at a café or something, and Zayn claiming that uni was a waste of time and that “Real learning was done in the real world, Liam.” Either way, both boys were the epitome of the word 'slacker'), Liam was constantly falling asleep at his desk, mid-essay. Once, he had managed to fall asleep in such a way that his entire four page essay was deleted – an essay that was due for the following day. Zayn and Harry were afraid their ears would fall off from the complaints emanating from the lad, and it was only when Zayn shouted at his boyfriend that complaining would get him nowhere that he finally stopped and just got on with it. 

“Li-am,” Zayn crooned, shaking the snoring mass, “Li, come on, go into bed for a nap or something, babe. You'll get nothing done asleep at your desk.”

“Mmkay... 'll you c'min with me?” Liam asked sleepily, already dragging himself off of his desk chair and towards the direction of his and Zayn's room.

“I'll be in in a minute -- be warming up my side!” He called, before turning back to Harry with a fond smile on his face. Sometimes Harry hated having to always be the third wheel with them, but it was somewhat rewarding to see the obvious love that the two of them shared for each other. Often, they could just be sharing a look and Harry would feel as if he were invading on an intimate moment. He dreamt of finding someone that would love him as much as those two boys loved each other. “And as for you, young Harold, I want you to find this,” he broke off and glanced down at the CD Harry now had clutched in his hands, “Louis Tomlinson fella, and want you to ask him out. Am I clear?” Without waiting for a reply, he nodded solemnly. “Good. Now, if you'll excuse me...”

He turned back away from Harry, and once more, he felt the familiar pang in his chest that told him he was missing something. Or someone, his subconscious decided to offer. He would look him up, though. And more than likely try and make it to his next gig. But Harry would never even dream of asking someone like Louis on a date. Harry was just some badly-paid bakery boy, whom his boss took absolute advantage of. Louis was probably making hundreds of pounds every night – and then some. 

Grumbling to himself, Harry sat down in front of the still-running laptop. Exiting and saving out of Liam's essay (something about children's behaviour- Liam wanted to become a primary school teacher.) he opened up the browser and began his search. 

After ten minutes of looking, he found the singer's wiki page, and managed to find a list of upcoming gigs Louis would be playing. Harry couldn't believe his luck when the next gig was for a bar not even five minutes away from his apartment. Taking note of the time, Harry exited out of the browser and sat back in his chair, thinking about what he was going to say. 

“Hi, I'm Harry and I think you're an amazing singer!” Sounded too... gushing, and,“Hey, I heard you sing last weekend thought you were amazing and I was so happy to find you were going to be playing here tonight!” Sounded almost stalkerish.

After running through other things he could open with (none of which managed to make him sound older and sophisticated), he decided that he'd think of what to say when he saw him. 

“Fuck it, I'm taking a nap.”

 

“Harry, if you don't get up now, you won't sleep tonight,” Liam called from the door – and good thing he did too, because the pillow Harry threw in his direction just fell short and landed at his feet, much to Liam's amusement. “You'll have to try harder if you want to hit me, man.”

“Piss off,” Harry muttered, turning on his other side, so his back was to Liam. 

“Harold, if you don't get up by the time I get to three, I'm calling Zayn,” came Liam's reply.

Figuring that staying in bed was more hassle than its worth, and grumbling slightly to himself, Harry sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Fine. I'm up. Now, what do you want me up for so badly?”

“Zayn was telling me you have a crush on some singer from a bar a week ago.” 

Harry rubbed his forehead. He was beginning to think that liking this guy was more work than anything. “Yeah. And, speaking of, he's playing at the Unicorn tonight.”

“Really?! That's great! Have you any idea of what you're going to say to him?” Asked Zayn, who had just appeared at the door beside his boyfriend.

“Yes, he is. And no, I have no idea of what I'm going to say. What do you say to someone like that? He's probably not even gay, anyway.” Harry swung his legs off the bed and sat up, shoulders slumped. Liam moved to sit down beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder with Zayn on his other side, rubbing his back. Harry was once more grateful for their friendship, and even more so for having gotten them as room-mates. 

“Haz, if I wasn't gay – or I didn't have such a wonderful other half – I would still try to get in your pants. And hey, you'll think of something! Remember? You got that guys number last week without even trying! Any guy would be lucky to have you!” Zayn tried, causing Liam to roll his eyes and Harry to let out a choked laugh.

“Thanks, Zayn. But that guy was flaming, and I'm almost certain he was under the impression that I was some long-lost cousin of his,” he groaned.

“Harry, you're not helping here,” Zayn replied drily. “Now, I want you to get dressed. It's half nine, and the music usually starts around ten.”

“Fine.”

 

“Are you sure I look alright?” 

“For the tenth time, you look great, Harry. If he doesn't stop playing and ask for your number on the spot, then my name isn't Zayn Malik,” Zayn responded, nudging Harry lightly in the ribs.

The trio had arrived at the bar about twenty minutes after Harry's pep talk. He practically had to be dragged away from the mirror by Liam, and Zayn had to help him choose the right outfit to wear, eventually settling on a cream jumper and dark skinny jeans. 

Almost immediately after entering, they were encompassed by the smell of sweat and alcohol. The pub was packed, and the three had to push and shove people out of their way to get to the bar. Harry bumped into someone, knocking him to the floor. “Oops, sorry about that,” he exclaimed, bending down to give him a hand up. 

“Hi to you too,” the stranger winked, flashing the taller boy a wide grin. “I'm Louis, and you?”

“Um, I-I'm Harry, Harry Styles.” He was aware that he was openly staring at the other guy, but he could hardly believe it! This was Louis. His Louis, so to say. 

“Well, Harry, I'd love to stay and talk, but I have to go play. How long are you going to be here for?” Louis asked, a small smile playing on his face.

“Uh, I'm here with my friends, but I'm sure they'd have no problem staying until after your set?” Harry said, giving Louis a smile of his own.

“Really? Great! I'll see you then, Styles,” He grinned, patting Harry's forearm before making his way to the stage. Harry stared after him for a few moments, completely struck. It wasn't until the two guys pounced on him, drinks in hand that his brain managed to catch up with him.

“Was that him? He's cute.” Liam winked, slapping Harry on the back. 

“Yeah. And I think – I think we're having a drink after his set."

“Harry, did you actually knock him off his feet?” Zayn crowed, clapping him on the back of the head.

“It was an accident!” He responded defensively, but he was too excited to be fully insulted. “And, besides, I still managed to talk to him without making a proper tit of myself!”

“You were staring after him like a lovesick puppy,” Liam said sceptically, raising an eyebrow.

“Can you please just be happy for me Mr. Constant Downer?” Harry laughed.

“Sorry.”

“Mmmm.”

 

“And these are my friends, Liam and Zayn.” 

Louis had just finished his last song (All At Once, by The Fray, one Harry had heard a few times, but didn't know too well.) and Harry was introducing him to his two friends. Louis' friend, Niall, had joined Louis after his set, and had just gone to get some drinks. 

“Hey, guys! Enjoy the show?” Louis asked, taking a seat on Harry's left and beside an empty seat for Niall. 

“Yeah, you're really good, Louis. Ever think of looking for a record deal? Like, I know you've got one, but one that'd make you into a star?” Liam asked, slinging an arm over Zayn's shoulder.

Louis shook his head, “Nah, I'm not good enough to get that good a deal, and I think I'd miss being able to go out in public without getting mobbed.”

“I suppose you're right,” Zayn interjected. “You were great, though. I wouldn't think you would have any trouble if you wanted to get a big deal.”

“Ah, thanks, Zayn. Oh, and here's Niall.” Louis waved a hand to catch his friend's eye, and the blonde began to make his way over to their table. 

“Jesus, it's fucking expensive even just to buy a few bloody beers!” Niall grumbled, setting down the tray of drinks before plonking down beside Louis. “I'm Niall, by the way,” he added with a grin and Harry quickly noted the strong Irish accent their new acquaintance possessed. 

“I'm Harry, and the two love birds over there are Liam and Zayn,” Harry laughed, pointing the two out. “They've been going out for the last six years, and we're all waiting for the proposal any day now.”

The five of them laughed, and Louis turned to Harry. “What about you? Any other half?”

“Nah, I've been single since my last boyfriend dumped me for our pizza guy,” he responded with an eye roll. “Why?” 

“Just so I won't feel bad about doing this.”

And then he leant forward, to the hoots and laughter of their respective friends, and kissed him. 

Harry wasn't sure what he expected. No kiss he had had before had prepared him for this one, at any rate. It was everything and nothing, all at once. It felt as of part of him had woken up with that kiss. He recalled Liam talking about what it felt like to kiss Zayn once (Harry had been curious to know one time, when he was intoxicated – and quickly regretted it, when Liam gave him a very in-detail answer), and how, after revealing what Zayn's mouth tasted like, he had told him that every time it felt like the first time, and he could never seem to get enough of Zayn's lips. That's how Harry felt now, with Louis' lips pressed against his, their hands quickly becoming tangled in the others' hair. 

Reluctantly, Harry pulled away, with a whispered, “Wow.”

Louis moved back to his previous position and smiled at Harry. “You're a good kisser.”

Harry blushed, the delicate rose colour of his cheeks contrasting with the pale of the rest of his skin. “You're not so bad yourself.”

“I-”

“Okay, as cute as the two of you are, could you please swap numbers so you can discuss each others kissing abilities when nobody else is around?”

Harry gave Zayn a non-impressed look. “You realise how many times I've not only walked in on the two of you kissing but also havin-”

“One time! That was one time! And, besides, you were supposed to have been working!” Zayn retorted.

“More than once, actually. And don't even get me started on the blo-”

“That's enough, Harry,” Liam interrupted, shooting Louis and Niall an apologetic look. But the two were deep in conversation, and hadn't heard any of their banter. The two looked worried about something, but Harry decided that he didn't know them well enough to ask about it. If they wanted to share, they would.

“Hey, um we're going to head away, but give me a ring if you want to hang out one of the days?” Louis asked, sharing a meaningful glance with Niall. Harry thought nothing of it, and quickly fished out his phone for Louis and Niall to put their numbers into. They did the same with their own phones, Liam, Zayn and Harry punching in their information one after another. And, with a last fleeting kiss with Harry, giving him a quick wink pulling away, Louis and Niall left. Harry, Liam and Zayn stayed for a while after, but decided that half one was later than they usually stay out, and began the short walk home. 

 

“Should I call him, or wait for him to call me?” Harry asked, pacing up and down the living room. Liam was at a lecture, and Zayn was attempting to get some sleep in preparation of the night shift at a club a fifteen minute walk from their house. It was one advantage of living in the centre of London – everything was only a short walk away. Though the rent was steep, with Zayn and Harry working, and Liam's parents paying his portion, the three boys could afford it, even if only just.

“Do whatever you think sounds best, Haz. Now please, let me get some damn sleep you idiot,” Zayn muttered, looking at the younger boy with half-closed eyes. 

“But I'm not good with relationships! Please, Zayn, Help me?” Harry pleaded, on his knees in front of Zayn's chair. With a groan, he sat up and Harry moved back to give him room.

“You realise I've only had one serious relationship, and that's with Li, right?” He asked, rolling his eyes. “So I'm not really much use in first moves and stu– ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But you watch more chick flicks than I do. Like, the ones with the gay guys? How do they do it?”

Zayn slapped him on the back of the head. “I don't know, Harry. You're the one who's had loads of relationships in the past, how did you ask them out?”

“I just called them up... but this is different. I think... I think he's my lobster,” Harry said, a blush painting his cheeks. 

Zayn rolled his eyes at him. “Harry, you've not even known the guy a day, and you think he's the One? How do you know it's not just the fact that he's somewhat famous?”

Harry shook his head. “No, I don't think it's that. Well, maybe it's part of it. But I felt something, Zayn. It's like how Liam described kissing you, like I couldn't get enough. Like I could just have sat there for hours just kissing him, y'know?”

Zayn blushed. “Yeah, I get you. But maybe ask him out first before getting ahead of yourself? You need to get to know him, then decide if he's the right one for you.”

Harry smiled, and stood up. “Thanks, man. Now get some beauty sleep, you really need it,” he snickered, ignoring Zayn's indignant, “Hey!”, and shut the door after crossing into his room. 

He pulled out his phone, and opened up his contact list. He quickly found Louis' information, and held a shaking finger over the 'call' button. But, before he could gather up the courage, his phone rang. Louis' name flashed on the screen and with new found determination, Harry pressed accept.

“Hello?” Came the slightly tinny but still clearly Louis' voice on the other end.

“Hey! I was just about to call you, actually,” replied Harry, a silly grin crossing his face. 

“Really? Do you want me to hang up so you can call me, so?” Louis joked, and Harry let out a small bark of laughter. 

“Nah, that's okay... hey um, listen, would you maybe want to go to the cinema and have dinner tomorrow night with me?” He asked in a rush, before squeezing his eyes shut waiting for a response. 

There was nothing for a few long moments, before Louis' voice once more returned. “You-you're asking me on a- a date?”

“Yeah?If you'd like? I mean, it doesn't even have to be a date, we could just be two guys hanging out, or whatev– ”

“No, no! It's just, I'm never really asked out any more, and especially not by attractive people like you. You're the first in about two years to ask, to be honest,” Louis confessed.

“What? Hardly!” Harry exclaimed. But his mind was whirring – Louis had agreed to a date with him!

“It's true, I'm afraid. I asked a few guys out recently, but most of them only lasted about a month. I don't exactly have good luck when it comes to dating.” He laughed. “And, thinking about it, I'm pretty sure my longest relationship was with my ex, Hannah. It lasted about two years. It was hard to end it, but we're still really close friends.”

“Aw, that's hard. I think my longest relationship was with this guy called Artie. He used to go to the same child minder as me when we were younger, and I bumped into him a few months ago. He was the one that cheated on me. I was gutted when I found out,” Harry told him, trying to stop himself drowning in more self pity. There had been more than enough of it to go round when they had split up a few weeks back. 

“Jesus, that's tough. We don't exactly have the best dating history between us –“ he broke off, and said something to someone off the line. “Harry, I really need to go, but text me the details of what time and where tomorrow and I'll meet you there?” He asked quickly.

“Ye – yeah, sure, no problem, I'll talk to you soon?” He responded.

“Of course! Okay, bye, Harry!” And then, without any more niceties, he hung up, leaving Harry to realise what had just happened – he and Louis were going on a date! 

He ran back into the cluttered living room to tell Zayn, but he was fast asleep on the couch.

“Pfft, he wouldn't get it anyway.”

 

The next day arrived, and Harry was both excited and terrified for his date. He had already booked a table for two at an Italian restaurant, and had even went shopping for another shirt (“Harry, you already have three shirts you've never worn at home.” “Yeah, but Liam, these go with those jeans I bought last week!”) in preparation. 

“So what time are you meeting lover boy?” Zayn teased. 

Harry threw the tennis ball he had been tossing in the air at him, and the tanned boy caught it with one hand. The former rolled his eyes. “Half seven. We're going to dinner and a movie.”

“Ooh, how swanky. Bringing him back here for some dessert after?” Zayn winked. 

Harry turned to Liam, who had been reading some book beside Zayn on the couch. “Li, can't you control your boyfriend?”

“Zayn, stop poking fun at Harry. Harry, stop being so sensitive.” Liam said, not paying attention. Zayn beamed at Harry, and flung the ball back to him. 

“Shut up, Liam.”

 

Half seven finally rolled round, and Harry was rushing around the flat looking for his left shoe. From across the room, Liam threw it to him, and Harry caught it with a grateful sigh. “Thanks, Li.” And then, glancing at his watch, exclaimed, “Shit! Okay, I have to go, call me if you need me!” before racing out the door, Liam calling after him to 'Have fun and don't do anything dumb!'

Harry arrived at the cinema ten minutes late, to find Louis talking to a roughly twenty year old man. On spotting Harry, he held up an index finger to him, before turning back to his acquaintance and saying something to him with a pained expression. The man looked at Harry and nodded, and Harry lifted a hand in response. 

“Who was that?” Harry asked, once the guy was gone and Louis had walked over to him with a grin painting his face. The grin faltered at the question, and Harry quickly tried to gloss over his nosiness. “I mean, you don't have to tell me it's just you looked upset and –”

“No, no it's fine, Harry! I just, can we talk about it some other time? I don't really want to ruin our date...” Louis replied, the smile back firmly on his face. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course! So what movie do you want to go see? I hear The Hobbit was supposed to be good...”

 

Their date was going well, the two hitting it off instantly. Over dinner, they talked about music (“I really want to go see Coldplay live, I just never have time to see them.” “Really? Well, we'll have to make time so, Harry!”), their favourite restaurants and cafés (Louis hated big chain companies like Starbucks and McDonald’s, opting to spend his money in lesser-known cafés and restaurants.), and what they wanted when they were in their thirties (Harry wanted to have gotten married, and Louis concurred, adding he'd love to have a big family). Before they knew it, their dinner had been eaten and the cheque had arrived. 

“I had a great time, Harry,” Louis said, wrapping his coat around him more firmly in the cool night air outside the restaurant. 

“Me too! But it doesn't have to be over just yet...” Harry trailed off, gauging Louis' reaction. 

“Ah, I really would love to keep hanging out with you, but I promised Niall I'd be home by half eleven and it's almost twelve...”

Harry's face dropped for a split second, but he quickly covered it up with a smile. “Well, do you want me to walk you home?”

Louis scrunched up his face, “Maybe next time, Harry. It's kinda... it's not a really great neighbourhood, I wouldn't want you walking it on your own.”

“Well, if you won't let me walk you home, then at least let me call you a taxi,” Harry said, pulling out his mobile. 

Louis let out a breath of cold air, relief crossing his face, “Okay, okay. Thank you, Harry.”

“No problem.”

They talked for a while waiting for the taxi, small topics like places they'd like to visit, or celebrities they would really like to meet. 

When the cab finally pulled up, Harry pressed his lips against those of Louis', once again marvelling in the feeling he got when their lips connected. When they pulled apart, Louis smiled up at him with a twinkle in his eye, “I really did have a great time tonight, Harry. I'll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Lou.”

 

And so it continued. They met up at least twice a week, and Harry, Liam and Zayn went to most of Louis' small gigs. They soon became good friends with Niall, and the five of them were always in contact with each other, Niall and Louis sometimes staying over at Harry, Liam and Zayn's flat. But never once did they offer the same in return, and the excuses for it kept piling up. Liam and Zayn weren't too bothered, but Harry felt somewhat put out. He and Louis had been dating for three months by that stage, and not once had he seen even the outside of Louis' place. He was also aware of the secrets his boyfriend was keeping from him, though the person in question kept insisting that he would tell him soon, that it's not an easy matter to talk about. He would never talk about his personal life, something that Harry hadn't noticed until his mother asked where Louis was from, and Harry had to think of a town to tell her.

One day, Harry had just had enough. 

He said it to Niall, who listened to Harry's ranting, and simply told him, “Give Lou some time, Harry. He doesn't let people in very easily. He was hurt before, by someone he trusted, and he's afraid it'll happen again. Just let him know you're not going anywhere, and he'll open up, I promise. It's not as bad as you're probably thinking, okay?”

Harry asked how long it had taken him to open up to Niall, and Niall told him that it took a few months, but that was two years ago, and Louis hadn't put up so many walls at that stage. 

“Okay, thanks, Niall.”

That had been two months ago, and Harry and Louis had been dating for five by that time. Yet still, Louis wouldn't talk to Harry about himself, and Harry was growing more and more impatient as the days rolled on. 

“Louis, do you trust me?” 

The two of them were lying on Harry's bed, Louis' head resting on Harry's chest, playing absent-mindedly with a bracelet Harry told him was a gift from his six year old cousin, for his eighteenth birthday, and that he hasn't taken it off since she presented it to him. 

“Wha – yes, of course I do! Why would you even ask me something like that?” He looked up at Harry, trying to catch his eye, but the younger boy was staring into space with a frown. “It's just, you never tell me things, like, about you, and your life. It's always about your future, and your present. And even then it takes so much prying for me to get something out about you. I love you, Louis, but I just, I'm tired of this, this constant wondering, this constant worry that you're not okay, that there's a lot more going on with you than you're telling me.”

Throughout his rant, he had brought his eyes down to meet Louis', and the latter was looking into his green with a mixture of conflict and another emotion Harry couldn't place. “Harry, I – you love me?”

Harry cracked a wry smile, “Yeah, I guess I do, Louis.”

“I love you too, Harry,” he whispered, then continued, “But I just, I can't. I'm afraid, because you're going to look at me differently, you're going to think you'll have to act carefully around me. And I don't want that, I don't want pity, I've had more than a lifetimes worth of it, and I'm tired of being pitied every time I tell someone about my life. I'm tired of being betrayed, and I'm tired of keeping things to myself. I'm just so, so tired, Harry.” 

A single tear fell from his eye, and Harry brushed it away with his thumb. “Louis, nothing could make me love you any less, and I want you to know that, alright? And I promise, there is nothing – nothing – that would make me ever want to hurt you in any shape, way or form. And how do you know I will? You need to tell me, and then we can start working from there, okay?”

“Okay, okay. Just, give me a minute to sort it all out. Are Li and Zayn out?” He moved off Harry's chest, and sat up against the headboard, Harry doing the same. 

“Yeah, they went for a walk and some takeaway, but they shouldn't be home for another hour or two, Liam likes taking long walks and Zayn just likes spending time with Liam. I'd say it was gross, but I'm starting to understand them a little more.”

Louis smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Letting out a deep breath, he started.

“To start, I was born in 1992, in Doncaster. I was a Christmas eve baby, and I'm turning twenty one this year. My dad left my mum when I was a kid, leaving my mum to look after me and my four sisters. 

“Then, when I turned fifteen, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, and I started smoking and drinking. I was in the hospital getting my stomach pumped at sixteen. Then, my mother fell ill and was always in and out of hospital, leaving me home with the girls. Don't get me wrong, I loved them, and I still do now, but I wasn't exactly a good role-model for them at that time. I stopped drinking so much, and tried cutting down on smoking, just so they wouldn't get the wrong idea about me. But something went wrong with an operation my mum had, and she died, leaving me alone with four mouths to feed. I had dropped out of school, so I had no qualifications, and so I couldn't find a job to be able to afford to keep them healthy. 

“So they were taken away from me. Lottie had appeared at school late too many days in a row with practically nothing to eat and looking too skinny, and her teacher decided that I wasn't a fit parental figure for them. They were taken into foster care, and I didn't see them for almost two years. Even now I can barely see them, because they were split up and in different parts of England. 

“I fell into depression, sleeping all day, drinking all night. My life was heading down a black hole, and I was doing nothing to stop it. That's when I met Aidan. He was walking home one night when he came across me, stumbling home, bottle in hand. He took no notice until I stumbled and fell, knocking myself out. He called an ambulance, went with me to the hospital, and stayed with me until I sobered up. He gave me his number and we quickly became really close. He was my first boyfriend...” Louis trailed off, lost in his memories. After a few moments, he continued. “It was perfect, for a while. I cleaned up my act, Aidan booked me in to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I gave up smoking, with his help. Eventually, I was well enough to see my sisters again, and I realised that, by being selfish and blocking all the bad things out, I was also blocking out the good. 

“Aidan left me, about two weeks after reuniting with the girls. I was gutted, and it's still hard to even think about. He was the first person I ever loved that wasn't family. He told me that he just wanted to help me get back on his feet and that that's what he loved doing; helping people. He made it hard to hate him, considering that all he wanted to do was help me out. 

“I met Niall about two months later, I had turned to music as a release, and managed to get a few gigs lined up. He heard me play, and we started talking after my show. He seemed cool, so after meeting him a few more times, we became good friends. I needed a place to stay and he offered for me to move in with him, in return for paying my share of the rent. He's stubborn, so he eventually got my story out of me, and even to this day he rarely brings it up, because he knows I don't like talking about it.

“Things were looking up since Aidan left, and I was finally starting to believe that I would find happiness again. I was nineteen, then. That's when my dad finally decided to take an interest in his son once more. He told me that he left for our benefit, because he had gotten into trouble with a gang, and didn't want us to be affected. Fat lot of good that did. Apparently, the operation gone wrong with my mother wasn't an accident, it was because my dead-beat father didn't have the money to pay them for whatever drugs he got, and they had warned him of what they could do. 

“He died last winter, three days before my birthday. So the dealers moved on to me, his next of kin for money. I told them I didn't have it, but they told me I have until the end of this year to pay off his debts, or else they're going to start on my sisters. I nearly have enough to pay it all back, because I can't let anything happen to them, not again.”

Louis finished in a rush, and there was silence in the room for a good five minutes before he added, “So now you know about my past, and my personal life. If you want me to get out of your life to save you from all my bullshit, just let me know.”

Harry shook his head. “Lou, I told you. I'm not giving up on you that easily. We'll work it out, and I'll help with the payments, okay?” Before Louis could interject, he carried on. “Because I want to help you, Lou. Because I love you, and I don't want you hurting, and I want this to go away as soon as possible. If it makes you feel better, I'll even let you pay me back when you have it.”

“Okay. Thank you, Harry, really. Do you want to know anything else, or have I explained everything?” Louis asked.

Harry furrowed his brow. “There are a few things... I know now that you probably don't want me going to yours because you're afraid someone will see me with you and target me, right?” Louis nodded, and Harry continued. “But why did you leave so quickly that first night at the bar? And then again on the phone, someone said something to you and you rushed your goodbye. And who was that man that you were talking to outside the cinema?”

Louis cracked a smile, the first one that had been on his face since they started talking about his life. “The first night at the bar, Niall had thought he'd seen one of his ex girlfriends, a psycho one that had almost murdered him because he didn't want to marry her. He wasn't too sure, but either way he didn't want to chance it. On the phone, Niall told me that Aidan had called because he heard I live here now and was passing through, and wanted to see me. That's who the guy at the cinema was, too. Nothing happened though, and I told him about you. He's settled down a bit now, has a steady girlfriend. I'm happy for him.”

“Do you still love him?” Harry asked. 

“I think a part of me always will. You never forget your first love, and it's not really easy to stop loving someone that helped you as much as he helped me. I think it's more of a grateful love, at this stage.” Louis finally brought his eyes back up to meet Harry's, and he smiled at him. “I love you more, though.”

“That's good.” Harry smiled, bringing his lips down to meet Louis'. They stayed like that for a while, just lying there immersed in each other, not speaking, just touching, sometimes kissing. They were beginning to doze a bit when Harry murmured, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Louis asked, his voice laced with sleep. 

“For telling me about you. But you were right, I do look at you differently now.”

Louis sat up, all sleep forgotten. “I knew it! I knew that it was stupid, spilling everything. I wish I –“

Harry covered Louis' mouth with his hand. “Lou, you never let me finish. I look at you differently now, because before, I only saw half of you. Now I can see every bit of you, light as day. And I love you even more than I could before, because I only knew half of you. Now that I know about your life, I can love that about you too. I love you, Louis, and I've never been more sure about something like that before. Thank you for trusting me.”

Louis gave him a watery smile, before throwing his arms around his boyfriend. “Thank you for making me trust you, for being there.”

“It's never a problem, Lou.”

**Author's Note:**

> thoughts are always appreciated!


End file.
